


Carols of a Pining Heart

by carpemermaid



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Awkwardness, College, Cuddling & Snuggling, Festivals, Future Fic, Getting Together, Haikyuu!! Secret Santa, Holidays, Karasuno Family, King of Casual Touches Hinata Shouyou, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Language, Minor Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, POV Kageyama Tobio, Pining, Romance, Team as Family, Volleyball Dorks in Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-21 14:25:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17045375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carpemermaid/pseuds/carpemermaid
Summary: The look Hinata gives Kageyama makes his heart give an aching thump in his chest. He really wishes he’d realized back then, when they were friends in high school, what this feeling was so that he didn’t have to feel it so acutely now, at full force cinching around his heart with Hinata standing within arms reach. Hundreds of casual touches between them—as teammates and rivals, as best friends, as something that was never quite more. It makes Kageyama a little lightheaded to remember the comfortable ease of being around each other.It wasn’t until after high school that Kageyama figured out he felt more than friendship for Hinata.





	Carols of a Pining Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MajesticAnna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MajesticAnna/gifts).



> Written for **[@majesticmilkywhite](https://majesticmilkywhite.tumblr.com/)** for the 2018 **[@haikyuusecretsanta](https://haikyuusecretsanta.tumblr.com/)** exchange! I so enjoyed whipping up some cozy holiday kagehina for you, Anna, and I hope this makes you smile!
> 
> Thank you to **[@restlessyama](http://restlessyama.tumblr.com)** for beta reading and crying over kh and casual touching and awkward-but-so-in-love kags with me! <3

Kageyama’s phone vibrates with a new message notification just as he slumps into his dorm after his final exam of the term before his winter break begins. He pulls a face, toeing off his shoes by the door and sliding into slippers. He’s not actually in the mood to text or talk to anyone; his last exam was one he studied really hard for and he’s still not sure it paid off in the end. He kind of wanted twenty minutes to himself to decompress and be alone for a little bit with his thoughts before he has to finish packing to catch a train home to Miyagi for break.

He takes a deep breath and sighs. He wishes he had yogurt left, but he’d finished the last of his stash before class.

He drops his messenger bag by the foot of his bed and digs around in his pocket for his phone. Kageyama’s screen lights up with the notification—a new text from Suga. Kageyama quirks a brow and types in his passcode to view the message.

>> **From: Sugawara Koushi** [ _11:34_ ]:  
_Hey Kageyama! Did you finish your last exam? (•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑_

Kageyama sits down on his bed as he slowly taps out a reply. He’s a sluggish typer when it comes to texting, nowhere near as speedy as Suga is whenever they chat. Kageyama hasn’t kept up with too many of his former Karasuno teammates since graduating and going to college in Tokyo on a sport scholarship, but Suga makes a point of talking to him fairly often. Kageyama’s actually been really grateful, since Suga’s helped him figure out how to navigate college life with practical advice. Suga’s always looked out for him; he’s glad it didn’t stop after Suga graduated from Karasuno High School.

<< **To: Sugawara Koushi** [ _12:21_ ]:  
_Yes I finished. The flashcards you sent helped a lot with studying, so thanks for those. Now I can start my winter break._

Kageyama sets his phone down on his desk and gets a duffel bag from his closet. His phone goes off again and he turns to retrieve it.

>> **From: Sugawara Koushi** [ _12:24_ ]:  
_Glad to hear it! [peace sign emoji] Will you be coming home for a visit during your break?_

<< **To: Sugawara Koushi** [ _12:25_ ]:  
_Yes I will take the train today._

Before Kageyama has time to put his phone down again, three dots appear at the bottom of the text chat while Suga types.

>> **From: Sugawara Koushi** [ _12:24_ ]:  
_╰(*´︶`*)╯ ╰(*´︶`*)╯That’s great!!! I’m so glad you’ll be home this year. Daichi and I are planning a little unofficial team reunion with anyone that’s going to be back for the holidays. We’re going to go to the winter market as a group on Friday night. Will you come with us? (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و_

Kageyama is still reading Suga’s text when another comes through.

>> **From: Sugawara Koushi** [ _12:24_ ]:  
_(๑•̀ㅂ•́)و (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و_

Kageyama’s lips twitch into a smile and he shakes his head. Before Suga can bombard his phone with more emojis, Kageyama quickly sends an answer that he’ll be there. He bites his lip and lets his thumb hover over his screen. There’s a question hovering in his mind. He’s sure if anyone knows, it’ll be Suga. He also knows that if he asks what he wants to ask that Suga will see right through it because he’s clever and can weasel the truth out of anyone. He closes his eyes for a brief second and pictures the sound of a voice shouting for tosses and gives in, needing to sate his curiosity. Suga would tell him he’s following in Oikawa’s footsteps to becoming an S-type, but Kageyama doesn’t care, not when it comes to this.

He chews on his lip as he carefully types out and deletes three questions before settling on a neutral one.

<< **To: Sugawara Koushi** [ _12:30_ ]:  
_Who else is going to be there?_

Kageyama would be happy to see any of his old teammates, but there’s only one that makes his heart skip a beat at the prospect of seeing him again after so long. Waiting for Suga’s reply takes ages; he stands in the middle of his dorm room with his palms sweating as he watches the three dots blinking on his phone screen, inching his phone closer and closer to his face with each heartbeat as if it’ll make Suga respond faster.

When the message does come through Kageyama quickly sits back down on his bed next to his empty duffle bag.

>> **From: Sugawara Koushi** [ _12:32_ ]:  
_Me and Daichi, Noya might swing by, and Yachi and Hinata both said they’d go. Gotta run for a bit, clinic just got busy. Text me when your train gets in later [peace sign emoji] [peace sign emoji]_

Kageyama flops back onto his bed and lets his breath out through his clenched teeth in a rush. _Hinata said he’d go_. His stomach flutters and roils; he can’t tell whether it’s excitement or nerves, or maybe both.

By their third year at Karasuno they’d become an inseparable duo; the transition to university was hard without Hinata at his side. He bites his lip and turns on his side to curl up on his bed, plucking at a loose thread in his bed sheet as he tries to pick apart his jumbled thoughts. When they both left Miyagi for university last year, Kageyama was offered a sport scholarship to a private university, but Hinata enrolled in Tokyo Metropolitan. He and Hinata lost touch in the swirling mess of their first year away at university between their studies and conflicting schedules. Kageyama’s never been good at cultivating his friendships; his and Hinata’s only worked because Hinata never gave up on him. He had a way of constantly making sure he was in front of Kageyama—not letting him look away.

A bubble of nervous excitement builds in Kageyama’s stomach. He didn’t go home during his first year until the summer break, opting to stay in Tokyo for a training camp his coach arranged for his new team. He knew Hinata had gone back for all of the breaks; he saw the photos of him at home with his little sister, both of them smiling with pink cheeks and red noses, bundled up as they played in the snow during winter. Seeing that beaming smile on his phone screen made Kageyama’s stomach tremble and he debated with himself for nearly fifteen minutes on the merits of taking a screenshot. He didn’t, in the end.

Now he knows they’ll both be home for break from school at the same time, meeting up at the holiday market with their old teammates. Kageyama chews on the inside of his cheek to keep the ridiculous smile that is threatening to burst out of him at bay. He tells himself to be reasonable, _logical_ —Hinata surely has an entire army of new friends, ones that are actually worth his time because they make an effort to talk to him. Kageyama scrubs his face with his hand and rolls up to continue packing his bag. He vows to himself that he’ll be cool; when— _if_ —he sees Hinata, he will not make a fool out of himself—won’t make any weird expressions, and above all he _will not_ let on that his feelings for Hinata aren’t quite the same as they were when they were friends in high school.

Kageyama nods to himself, affirming his determination. He’s glad his roommate isn’t around to witness whatever face journey he’s currently struggling through as he silently coaches himself through different social scenarios that might happen and how he could react in a way that’s acceptable without earning himself side-eyes from Suga and Daichi.

*******

Kageyama’s breath fogs when he breathes out. He shoves his hands deeper into his coat pockets and tries to tuck his nose into the scarf bundled around his neck. The path leading to the nearest entrance to the street market is lined with decorative light displays dripping from tree branches and hugging bushes. He can smell roasting chestnuts and cinnamon and hears the tinkling sound of holiday tunes drifting from the brightly lit market. Kageyama spots Suga and Daichi standing by the archway ahead.

“Kageyama-kun! Hey!” Daichi calls with a hearty wave when he notices Kageyama. Suga turns around and grins, eyes crinkling at the corners so that he’s squinting.

“Hi Kage-chan!” Suga says brightly.

“Hey,” Kageyama says, mouth quirking up into a crooked smile. He gives a quick, respectful bow. “Good to see you both.”

“Yeah,” Daichi says warmly. He claps Kageyama on the shoulder in greeting and Suga slings his arm over Kageyama’s shoulder, giving him a brief squeeze. It’s a gesture full of familiarity and comfort. “We missed you last year. We’re glad you’re home for break this year.”

“Coach Takahashi keeps our schedule pretty busy,” Kageyama says, shrugging. “Sorry I missed your house warming.”

Suga waves him off and moves to stand closer to Daichi, shooting his boyfriend a smile. “It’s fine. I saw your team is ranked third in the country for the university league now, thanks to those new plays you’ve been working on.”

Kageyama feels a warm pride spread in his chest at the praise from his senpai. He darts his eyes away. Suga helped him figure out those new plays, his game sense and strategies still sharp even if he only gets to play on his and Daichi’s neighborhood association team now that they live together in Miyagi. Their careers keep them busy, but Suga tells Kageyama they play at least once a week with other recreational teams at their local gym.

“It’s not just me, it’s the whole team’s achievement,” Kageyama says, ears hot. “I wasn’t even a starter last year.”

Daichi and Suga smile at him with proud expressions. Kageyama knows he’s grown a lot as a player; the black spot of the king that once haunted his nightmares is years behind him. Kageyama coughs and shuffles his feet, shrugging half-heartedly.

“Should we, uh, go into the market?” Kageyama suggests. 

Daichi checks his phone and nods. “Noya just sent me a message to say he’s around the corner. We can head in when he’s here and find Hinata and Yachi. Suga—can you—?”

Daichi gestures with his phone and Suga pulls out his own. “Let me text them to see how far they got.”

“Thanks.” Daichi brushes his fingers up and down Suga’s arm as he texts Hinata and Yachi. Daichi glances over at Kageyama. “They got here about twenty minutes ago, but we told them to go ahead of us while we waited for you and Noya. You know how Hinata gets.”

Daichi chuckles and Suga snorts, humming in agreement. Kageyama coughs again, nodding his head with a disjointed jerk as if he’s a mechanical wind up toy, apparently incapable of functioning like an actual human at the first mention of Hinata. His gaze skitters away and he pretends to be attempting to warm up from the chill in the air. He sees Noya’s jogging toward them, wild hair sticking up in all directions and scarf ends trailing behind him in a haphazard fashion. He doesn’t slow down and Kageyama shuffles back a few steps. Noya lets out an energetic whoop and barrels right into Kageyama’s side with a grunt. Kageyama lets out an _oof_ and awkwardly pats Noya’s back after a moment of hesitation.

Noya’s face is buried in Kageyama’s scarf and his voice is muffled, but he’s talking animatedly. Daichi and Suga laugh and both reach out a hand to pry Noya away from Kageyama.

“Give him some breathing room, Noya,” Suga says in an exasperated tone.

“You never write, you never call!” Noya goes on, gesticulating with sweeping arm movements when he lets go of Kageyama. “Tanaka says all that fame’s going to your head—that you’re too big for your small-time high school teammates.”

“What?” Kageyama blurts, automatically raising his hands in a placating gesture to protest that notion.

“I have to hear about you through Suga or through Volleyball Monthly articles, man, what’s up with that?” Noya crosses his arms over his puffed out chest, eyebrows raised expectantly. “I thought, as your senpai, you’d have a little more respect.”

“I—talk to Suga?” Kageyama offers in a strained voice. Guilt cuts through him and intensifies; he thinks of all the times he ignored messages from his old friends and never made any effort to reach out. “I’m sorry.”

Noya is silent for a few beats and then his face splits into a wide, mischievous grin. He playfully punches Kageyama’s shoulder and laughs.

“Nah, man, it’s okay. I’m just busting your balls; I know uni keeps you really busy. My final exams are killing me, so I know it gets hard to juggle everything,” Noya says. “Sorry. I couldn’t resist.”

Kageyama lets out a breath and scratches at the back of his head, relieved. “Oh. Right. Yeah.”

Suga rolls his eyes and gives Noya a little shove. “Stop being such a problem child, you’re getting too old for it.”

Daichi grabs Noya by the back of his wool coat and frog marches him toward the decorative archway leading into the market, his head angled down to speak to Noya. Kageyama can hear his steady and commanding tone, the one Karasuno’s players always thought of as Daichi’s _captain’s voice_. Suga and Kageyama fall into step behind them. Suga’s phone pings and he checks it.

“Hinata and Yachi will meet us at the stall at the end of the second row. With the fresh wreaths they said,” Suga announces.

On their way to meet their friends they stop at a vendor stand for hot drinks. Suga and Daichi buy hot wine and Noya gets a hot cocoa for himself and Kageyama. Noya bounces over; Kageyama’s eyes track the sloshing drinks as they come precariously close to spilling over Noya’s gloved hands.

“Here’s an I’m-sorry-for-teasing-you hot cocoa,” Noya says as he passes it over. He takes a sip of his own and makes a sound of pain, flailing one hand in front of his mouth. “Ow—shit. It’s really hot, I burned my tongue.”

Noya frowns and looks to Suga and Daichi for sympathy. Daichi blows on his wine and Suga cups his own drink in his hands, holding it close to his lips to inhale the heady aroma. They’re both smirking at Noya, unsympathetic.

Noya shrugs off their reaction and talks Kageyama’s ear off as they wander down the row of brightly colored stalls. The market looks like a little village, with each stall resembling a small cottage with trimmings and ribbons. Kageyama tries to pay attention to the story Noya is telling him about the trip he took with Tanaka and Asahi, but as they round the corner to the next row of market stalls, Kageyama gets distracted. Suga is texting on his phone and something tugs at Kageyama’s instincts. As they weave their way through the crowd, Kageyama feels like an invisible tether is pulling him closer, leading him to Hinata. His palms are prickling, almost like the feeling he used to get when he could sense Hinata in his periphery.

He glances around, the sensation of butterflies in his stomach intensifying as he searches for any glimpse of him.

Suga, Daichi, and Noya carry the conversation as Kageyama cranes his neck to see over the crowd. Kageyama is so focused that he nearly walks right into a small girl and her mother picking out ornaments, but Daichi tugs on Kageyama’s sleeve at the last minute before Kageyama collides with them. He offers an apologetic smile and shuffles along the row of shopping stands.

They pause as a group of people cross the path in front of them and then, as they part, Kageyama freezes. He sees Hinata from a distance, his bright red hair like a beacon in the crowd. Kageyama’s heart gives a thump. Hinata’s practically glowing with the way the decorative lights on the market stalls hit his hair, saying _here I am, eyes on me_.

Kageyama takes one unintentional step forward, drawn by Hinata’s unnatural pull, then he falters. Over a year of messages slowly dwindling to radio silence flashes before Kageyama’s eyes and guilt pours over him in a cold trickle from the top of his head and down the back of his neck. He has no idea what to say.

Then Hinata turns around.

Kageyama’s heart jumps into his throat when Hinata spots him. Recognition sparks in Hinata’s expression and he springs into the air like they’re still on the volleyball court. That expression makes Kageyama’s adrenaline spike; his fingers twitch in search of a ball. The winter air is cold in his throat when he drags in a breath.

Hinata waves at him so hard it looks like his arm could fly off and go spiraling through the air, but the way he’s grinning at Kageyama makes him feel like he’s floating as he drifts closer, closing the distance that’s long been building between them since graduating high school.

“Kageyama!” Hinata shouts, dragging out each syllable of his name with emphasis and bouncing up onto his tip toes.

He notices Yachi is with Hinata when they all reach the stall, talking to the vendor. Her friendship with Hinata never suffered in the same way; she and Hinata are both enrolled at Tokyo Metropolitan University—Hinata had sent Kageyama selfies of them together early on during first year after they found each other on campus. They exchange greetings, Noya and Hinata competing for who can talk the loudest until Daichi and Suga temper them.

The whole time, Kageyama is only capable of staring helplessly at Hinata. Part of him can barely comprehend that Hinata’s actually there, in the flesh and not just a distant memory. He has the wild urge to reach out and poke Hinata, just to make sure he’s real, and can’t quite restrain himself before he does it. It’s only after Hinata cuts off mid-sentence that Kageyama realizes his fingers are touching Hinata’s thick coat. His eyes widen and he rushes to say something—anything to explain why he did that.

“I—you—like second year courses?” Kageyama awkwardly trips over his own words, choking on his own spit a little when he tries to breathe and speak all at once.

Hinata thumps him on the back with a warm laugh that curls around Kageyama and wraps him in the rich sound.

“Yeah! The core courses are kind of hard, but I get to work it all around the volleyball club schedule. Yacchan’s one of the team managers and drew us this really cool poster last semester to bring in new players. My classes are helping me understand about why I can jump so high, too. And on the train ride home, Yacchan was sketching people and an older man actually bought her sketch of him!” Hinata talks a mile-a-minute, barely pausing for breath between stories.

Kageyama looks on, a little dumbfounded, lips parted. He can’t believe he forgot what a force of nature Hinata’s like to be around. Listening to him now brings it all rushing back—the comforting, if overwhelming, rhythm of Hinata’s rants on their walks home from school.

Yachi laughs and waves her hands at Hinata to get him to stop. “No, no! Don’t tell them about that, you promised Hinata! It’s embarrassing!”

“Why?” Hinata asks, blinking. He makes big gestures with his hands, talking excitedly. “Your art is so good, Yacchan!”

She flushes a rosy pink and Noya jumps in. “Will you draw me, Yachi? I want a cool picture of me!”

Hinata turns back to Kageyama and points at him challengingly. “Let’s buy strawberry shortcake!”

Kageyama blinks in confusion. “What? Why?”

He’s focusing on the way Hinata looks just like he used to when he demanded Kageyama not give up because Hinata wasn’t going to lose to him. Hinata’s grin stretches wider.

“Obvious winter traditions that need to be observed by the masses aside,” Hinata says slowly, tilting his head. Kageyama keeps a tight leash on the urge to tuck Hinata’s scarf more snugly around his neck to cover him up from the cold. “Didn’t your birthday just pass? I want to eat strawberry cake with you for your birthday.”

Kageyama hold tightens on his paper cup. The look Hinata gives Kageyama makes his heart give an aching thump in his chest. He really wishes he’d realized back then, when they were friends in high school, what this feeling was so that he didn’t have to feel it so acutely now, at full force cinching around his heart with Hinata standing within arms reach. Hundreds of casual touches between them—as teammates and rivals, as best friends, as something that was never quite more. It makes Kageyama a little lightheaded to remember the comfortable ease of being around each other.

It wasn’t until after high school that Kageyama figured out he felt more than friendship for Hinata.

“Okay,” Kageyama says. He raises his eyebrows and fights for what to say for a beat. “I, uh…thank you.”

Hinata punches his fist into the air. “Yes! Birthday cake for Kageyama! I think I saw a sweets vendor back over there.”

Hinata waves vaguely in the opposite direction.

“Let’s go get Kageyama some sweets, then,” Suga says.

“I want another wine, too,” Daichi says. “I’ll meet you over there. Want another one, Koushi?”

“Yes, please. Thank you,” Suga says.

He watches Daichi go for a moment with a soft expression on his face that makes Kageyama’s ears feel hot. He’s a little envious of what Daichi and Suga have together, how comfortable they are. He glances at Hinata out of the corner of his eye and wishes he could look at him that openly.

After buying shortcake and Daichi’s return with more hot wine, the six of them go around the festival in a group. Kageyama tips the last dregs of his cocoa into his mouth and tosses his cup in the nearest trash bin. Their group continues on when he rejoins them. Noya and Yachi point out bright, colorful displays that catch their eye and Suga and Daichi share secret smiles, bumping their hips together occasionally with their heads tilted close together. Hinata doesn’t stop for a second; he’s as much a ball of energy as he ever was, filling in the silences that Kageyama allows to linger when he runs out of what to say.

Eventually they break off into smaller pairs, Suga and Daichi heading in one direction and Noya tagging along with Yachi in another when she wants to shop for her mother.

Kageyama is left alone with Hinata.

His stomach swoops when Hinata looks up at him expectantly.

“Let’s go back to the first row by the entrance,” Hinata suggests. His feet are moving without waiting for Kageyama to agree. “Yacchan and I skipped that one so she could buy a present for her roommate.”

“Okay,” Kageyama murmurs. He shoves his hands into his pockets to hide the way they’re fidgeting without a cup to occupy them.

Without the others around, there’s only Hinata to carry the conversation. Kageyama becomes painfully aware of how silent he’s growing. His eyes skip over each of the market vendors they pass by, selling ornaments and sweets and small trinkets. The cheerful holiday displays are at odds with Kageyama’s thoughts.

Kageyama swallows thickly. It’s harder without the buffer of everyone else, where Kageyama at least felt he could hide better by blending into the group. Now it’s just the two of them and the awkwardness intensifies, twisting his stomach like sailor’s knots. He’s hyperaware that they’re alone, despite the crowd of people milling around them and the holiday tunes being broadcast on loudspeakers. Kageyama feels like it’s just the two of them, but not in the same way it always is in dreams and movies. Instead, Kageyama and Hinata are surrounded by chattering people and it only highlights how little he has to say.

Kageyama is sure he’s under a magnifying glass without any control over his facial expressions. He avoids meeting the eyes of anyone around them, certain they’ll all know—worries even _Hinata_ will be able to see right through him to the truth. The struggle is real; his choices are stare at the bright sun beam that is one Hinata Shouyou, or—because how can he possibly control _how much_ he wants to stare if he starts—the better solution, which is not to look at all. Except he knows when he doesn’t make any eye contact it makes him look like an asshole. Kageyama sighs and pinches his brows together. He would rather be playing volleyball, at least that he understands beyond a shadow of a doubt.

“Look at the nutcrackers over there.” Hinata interrupts his thoughts and points. Kageyama has to stop so he won’t collide right into Hinata’s arm.

Kageyama turns his head and makes an unintelligible grunt in response. He spots one that has a jaw opened wide in a silent yell, hair sprouting in every direction from the wooden head. “That one looks like you. It’s got your hair.”

Hinata snorts. “Okay, then that the one with the scary grin is you.”

Kageyama ducks his head, burrowing his nose into his scarf to hide his smile. Hinata shoots Kageyama a secretive, pleased expression and dances around him in an impression of the nutcracker Kageyama picked out for him. Hinata opens his mouth wide and chomps down hard.

“Take that, chestnuts!” Hinata snaps his mouth closed with a click. Hinata crows and holds his open-mouthed nutcracker pose. A chuckle huffs out of Kageyama; it builds into a raspy laugh, rolling through him. He shakes his head and gives Hinata a nudge.

“Come on, dumbass,” Kageyama says as he prods Hinata in the side.

They keep slowly drifting up and down the rows of the holiday market. It feels more like it used to, after Hinata’s nutcracker-impersonating antics. Kageyama lets out a breath that eases some of the tension that built up in his shoulders and lets himself get swept up in Hinata and his massive presence without worrying too much. He decides he would rather soak up the time he’s allowed to have now rather than waste it on freaking out in his head.

He lets Hinata lead him all over the market; they cross paths with their friends twice to check in with them. Noya and Yachi are the first to leave, waving as Noya walks Yachi to the bus stop. When they meet up with Suga and Daichi again, Suga tells them they’re going home. They agree to make plans for later in the week and then Hinata and Kageyama wander on together. Eventually, they’ve seen all there is to the holiday market. Kageyama’s nose is freezing and his scarf is no longer helping. He can see Hinata’s cold, too; he’s been stopping to quickly jog in place to keep warm, but it can’t be helping that much. Hinata’s cheeks and nose are tinged red from being outside at night for so long.

“I think we’ve seen the whole thing,” Kageyama says somewhat reluctantly. He scrapes his teeth over his bottom lip. “We could…look at the lights on the path?”

“It’s too cold,” Hinata says. Kageyama is distracted by the stubborn jut of Hinata’s lip. He blows out a big breath and after a moment of thinking he turns to Kageyama. “ I know! Want to come back to my place so we don’t have to stop hanging out yet? You haven’t told me about your new first years and we haven’t talked since the start of term. Come on, Kageyama, we can get something warm to drink at my house.”

“Oh, uh,” Kageyama says. His breath puffs out in a cloud. “Yeah, that would—that would be good. Cool.”

Hinata cheers and herds Kageyama in the direction of the exit.

He grunts and runs his fingers over the back of his neck, tugging at his hair in a nervous gesture. Kageyama presses his lips together to hold his relieved smile at bay. He’s going to savor his time with Hinata as long as he can, soaking it up to hold him over when they finally have to part ways. He tries his best not to think about that part looming over their heads.

*******

Hinata unlocks his front door and flicks on the lights. They take off their shoes in the entryway and set them in the cubby against the wall. Hinata offers up a pair of indoor slippers while Kageyama fights with his scarf to unloop it from his neck with a grunt.

“Looks like it’s just us,” Hinata says when he leads the way down the hall. It’s quieter than Kageyama’s used to. Hinata glances back at Kageyama over his shoulder. “My parents took Natsu-chan to Sendai so they could see the Pageant of Starlight display.”

He motions for Kageyama to take a seat at the squat table at the center of the room while Hinata wanders over to the counter, opening cabinets at random. “Do you want hot cocoa or tea?”

“Cocoa,” Kageyama says.

Hinata hums and putters around with a kettle and pulls out two mugs.

Kageyama’s eyes drift around the room as he folds his legs beneath him and tucks the blanket of the kotatsu over his lap. He hears the faint ticking of a clock, filling the eerie stillness of the house. It’s so different from what Kageyama remembers. Memories wink in and out of Kageyama’s mind of the previous times he sat at the same table with Hinata during their second and third year of high school. There was usually Hinata’s little sister running around, or his mom doing the washing up or making them something to eat while Hinata’s larger than life presence filled in the rest of the space to take up the whole house.

The last time he’d been to Hinata’s house was near the end of third year, when they were supposed to be doing their homework but ended up debating the best starting line up for the upcoming tournament.

Kageyama lets his thoughts seep in and out of focus while he listens to the clink of the cups and the glug of hot water pouring from the kettle. Hinata comes over and sets one mug down in front of Kageyama, steam billowing up in his face. Hinata plops down beside him, rather than taking a seat on the opposite end of the table, and turns on the kotatsu’s heater so they can warm up. Hinata’s knee bumps into Kageyama’s as he folds his legs and arranges the futon attached to the table around his lap. He sighs contentedly and cradles his own mug between his hands.

“Remember the last time I was here?” Kageyama asks after a few moments of silence.

Hinata tilts his head to look at him. “Uhh…like, in high school?”

Hinata purses his lips and screws his face up in thought.

It’s so familiar and reminiscent of how things used to be that it nearly punches Kageyama. He lets his breath whistle out of his lungs, feeling so off balance.

“You invited me over to do homework,” Kageyama recounts, voice low and deep. Hinata blinks at him. Kageyama chuckles once, a hard bark of laughter that scratches at his throat. He takes a sip of too-hot cocoa to cover up his awkwardness and mashes his lips together when it burns his tongue a little. He swallows a grunt of pain before speaking again. “We did that for maybe twenty minutes before you got distracted by volleyball. You don’t remember?”

Hinata scrunches his nose up and then raises his eyebrows when something seems to click in his brain. “When you fought me about using Tsukishima and Tadashi for that one quick combo!” Hinata smacks a hand down on the table and belts out a sharp laugh. “And _who_ was right about that in the end, huh? Me, not you, Genius-kun, _me_!”

Kageyama’s lips wobble into a ghost of a smile, picturing Hinata’s red face, arms flailing while he argued his point. Kageyama had even called in Suga for help, but in the end Hinata’s idea won. Not only won, but _worked_ ; it was a beautiful attack strategy. Kageyama’s lips tilt into a crooked smile at the memory of their opponents’ faces when the ball slammed into the floor before they had time to move.

“It, uh, turned out to be a really good play against Seijoh, I guess,” Kageyama admits.

Hinata pumps a fist into the air and wobbles back and forth in what Kageyama can only assume is some sort of victory dance. Hinata’s knee bumps into Kageyama’s thigh again. He pushes down the wish to reach down and trace it with his fingers, learn its bumps and valleys. He takes another sip of his cocoa to drown out his wants before he ends up making things weird. It’s cooled slightly, though his tongue feels tender still.

When Hinata settles down again, he leans closer to Kageyama, despite sitting right next to him. Kageyama can physically feel the distance that separates them between their closely situated legs and how far away Hinata’s face is. His senses tingle with the same kinetic awareness he has on the court, feeling the volleyball in his hands and knowing the exact distance to set for Hinata to meet him perfectly. Kageyama wants that kind of connection again. He doesn’t know whether to lean away or hold still, or worse—lean in further.

“What about your college team? Suga-san tells me a little bit when he calls, but I want to hear it from you,” Hinata says. His gaze is intent; it’s the same hungry look he has before he steps on the court.

The look Kageyama’s never been able to ignore.

“Oh, they’re, uh,” Kageyama starts and stops. His insides twist. He’s never had a problem talking about his university team, he talks about them with Suga often.

But this is different.

Kageyama’s fingers twitch around his mug. He chews on the corner of his lip. He struggles to find the right words; they get caught somewhere in his throat, sticking like the sweet candy coating of festival apples. Words have never been his strong suit. He’s never had to tell Hinata to his face about the new spikers he sets for—spikers who aren’t Hinata. He curls one hand into a loose fist and finds the strength to push something, _anything_ , out.

“They’re…It was, uh, hard at first,” he starts. He puts one hand in his lap and pinches the warm blanket between his fingers, fiddling with it to keep himself distracted. “After Karasuno, I had to learn how to work with a new team again. Not, um…Not as hard as when we first started in high school, but there wasn’t any senpais like Daichi-san and Suga to knock sense into the first years. I didn’t make a regular position right away, but I’m a starter now.”

Hinata’s got that gleam in his eyes, listening intently. Kageyama can still see the hunger for volleyball in Hinata’s golden-brown eyes—even in the dimly lit room.

A cloud shifts outside and a shaft of moonlight cuts across the room, shining through the window. It highlights the way they both have their hands cupped around their cocoa mugs. Their legs keep accidentally bumping every time Hinata shifts, because he can never sit still with the energy that brims over like a boiling pot. Kageyama feels so much from those little brushes, and even more from the points they don’t touch. Those gaps sing to him, calling his name like a siren’s song, crooning to Kageyama about all the things he’s never let himself admit he wants. Until now, that is. Kageyama can see the exact distance between their hands in the pale winter moonlight and he has the aching urge to slide his palm across the table and close the small valley separating them.

“We should practice before you go back. For old time’s sake,” Hinata suggests, rueful smile playing in the corners of his mouth. Kageyama brings his eyes back up and Hinata lifts his eyebrows. “Throw me a toss, Kageyama.”

He says it softly, but there’s so much warmth in his voice that it burns Kageyama.

Kageyama wants that. He wants, wants, wants. It’s filling him up, billowing in the same steam cloud twisting up from his cocoa mug and filling in the cracks and crevices of his chest that formed after he let Hinata go and left for university. And Hinata’s right there—all Kageyama has to do is be brave like Hinata, to reach out and leap in the same fearless way Hinata’s always jumped for him, full of trust that Kageyama would give him the toss he wants. Would Hinata do the same if Kageyama were to make that same jump?

Kageyama swallows and hunches his shoulders, leaning over his mug of cocoa. The nutty-chocolate aroma fills up his nose. The scent soothes his frayed nerve endings in the way that only cocoa on a cold night can, blanketing him in its sweet calming balm. He can’t keep his attention off Hinata for long and before he’s fully formed the next thought, his eyes are creeping over to peer at Hinata from the corner of his peripheral vision. Hinata’s bulging his cheeks out to blow on his hot drink. His nose is crinkled up, eyes squinting in concentration. The sight of such a silly, Hinata-esque action makes something twist and crack open in Kageyama’s heart.

Something he doesn’t think he’s going to be able to close back up again, now that he’s even more aware of this feeling blooming like spring sakura flowers—slowly and then all at once in a burst of life.

Kageyama swallows thickly and aims for discreet as he lays his fingertips over his fluttering butterfly heart, brushing the material of his shirt just to stay grounded in the moment. If he doesn’t, he’s in danger of floating away. How is he going to go back to his life now? How can he go back to his daily routine, to _volleyball_ with the knowledge of the full scope of his feelings draped around him?

Hinata shifts again, a ball of restless energy even in the still of the chilly night when they’re trying to stay warm from the long hours spent outside at the holiday market. He scoots himself closer and hooks his legs over Kageyama’s, like no time has passed between now and high school, like they’re best friends again without unanswered calls and texts and emails between them. Kageyama can’t help the way his eyes widen at the new implications of being this close, this comfortable with Hinata. A soft sound of he doesn’t know what—helplessness, or desperation, maybe—worms its way from his throat.

Kageyama doesn’t think his slip up registers to Hinata. He’s sitting there, with his socked feet tucked over Kageyama’s lap under the kotatsu’s futon. He’s looking at Kageyama so intently with an expression that’s only half-familiar to Kageyama. It’s something from a long time ago—he’s seen it when Hinata chases a volleyball with that hungry passion for spiking and winning and—

Kageyama realizes something vitally important then.

He curls his fingers into his palms and tentatively drops his hands to rest in his lap, over the futon covering their legs. He settles them on Hinata’s legs.

Kageyama wants it to be _him_ giving that feeling to Hinata—the one that volleyball gives him.

“How long are you staying for?” Hinata asks. “It’s probably too late tonight—and too cold I guess, to go out.” He pinches his eyebrows together when he thinks. A little fold appears between them and Kageyama almost reaches out to smooth it with his thumb. “Tomorrow!” Hinata says, bright as the sunspot center of Kageyama’s universal gravitational pull. “Tomorrow, if you want—we could go down to the new court they built, or see if we can sneak into the gym at the school. It’ll be just like old times, when we were on the same team. I want to hit your tosses again!”

Kageyama’s heart skips a beat in his chest and he focuses on breathing. Hinata still wants him to give him tosses to spike. It’s intoxicating. Kageyama finds himself automatically angling toward Hinata, leaning a fraction closer. His breath hitches when he tries to speak at first, before he gets himself under control.

“I—yeah. Yes.” He has to tell Hinata; he can’t just sit here, feelings about to burst out of him. He has to know if Hinata…he has to tell him, at least. He can’t just leave tonight carrying this in his heart. It’ll eat him alive, worse than before.

Hinata looks so thrilled that he agreed to toss for him, no longer worried that Kageyama doesn’t think he’s essential to winning. Kageyama can’t take it anymore. His emotions have been expanding in his chest all night and the bubble is ready to burst at last.

“Hinata,” Kageyama whispers, voice hoarse and raspy.

Hinata blinks and watches Kageyama, moonlight dancing across the tips of his wild hair and catching his lashes.

“Hinata,” Kageyama repeats, unsure how he can go on from there. It’s all ready to flow out of him, but he’s struggling as usual with how to use the right words.

Kageyama gestures vaguely, keeping one hand wrapped around Hinata’s ankle through the thick futon. He holds on and opens his mouth.

“I…I can’t,” Kageyama huffs out.

Hinata’s expression falls. “Oh, you don’t want to? I thought we were going to practice.”

“No!” Kageyama says fiercely. Hinata’s got a confused look. Kageyama scrubs one hand over his face and squeezes Hinata’s ankle. “No, I mean…ugh.” Kageyama doesn’t know what he means, really. He sucks in a breath and tries again with Hinata looking on. “I _mean_ I want to tell you that I like you. I _like_ you, damn it. I don’t want things to be like old times, when we were just friends. University has been hell because I let it all fall apart and I missed you. I missed you, okay? But tonight it’s—it’s all there and _more_ and I just…”

Kageyama trails off, his eyes going wide. This is not going how he planned in his head. He wishes words could come as easily to him as volleyball did.

“I like you,” he says one more time, just to make sure that point is absolutely clear.

“Oh,” Hinata says on a soft breath, eyes just as wide as Kageyama’s. They catch the light and look like they radiate, almost glowing in the dim light in the same way they used to when he said he wanted to win like it was the only thing that made sense in the world. “Cool.” 

“Cool?” Kageyama chokes out.

 _Cool_ , he thinks wildly. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck his life because he just successfully made an absolutely fool of himself in front of his once-best friend, his teammate and partner, and now Kageyama can never look at him ever again out of embarrassment. But then—Hinata is leaning even closer and Kageyama’s heart feels like it’s taken a dive toward the court to keep a ball in play, lurching and skipping a beat in his chest. He leans back slightly. “W-what are you—doing?”

“Oh,” Hinata says again, freezing. His brows pinch together once more; that little wrinkle of confusion appears between them. _Cute_ , Kageyama thinks weakly. His fingers twitch. “Did you not mean all that stuff you just said?”

“What?” Kageyama is losing his mind. He doesn’t know up from down; he needs to go ten rounds with a volleyball to work out what the hell is going on, to clear his head and escape the fog surrounding them. Why did he think confessing was the thing he had to do again? “I—yes?”

He has no idea why he sounds like he’s asking Hinata, as if he’s unsure himself. He nods, just to be sure Hinata knows he did mean what he said.

“O- _kay_ ,” Hinata says slowly, tone sounding like _isn’t it obvious_. “So, the next part is that we kiss, right? I was going to kiss you. Is that good with you?”

_What?!_

“What?” Kageyama wheezes. Then his mind backpedals and tries to catch up once more. Kissing. Hinata intends to kiss him, because it’s the next logical step. _Hinata wants to kiss him_. Kageyama’s mouth runs away from him, tongue feeling thick and heavy as he tries to form the words, “Ye—I—yeah. Okay. N-knife— _nice_ —” _Get it together, Kageyama_ , he thinks, on the edge of hysteria, “Yes, good. Yes.”

His face feels so hot and he resists the urge to hide behind his hands, sitting there rigidly instead with his lips pursed together to stop himself from talking.

“Cool,” Hinata repeats, mouth quirking into a crooked smile and he moves so the warm weight of his legs disappears from Kageyama’s lap. Hinata tucks his feet under him and advances on Kageyama again.

The world around him slows down like it does in the movies, like it does when Kageyama’s focus is at its peak in the middle of a game and he has those few extra seconds to pinpoint his target for a set or a block or a spike. Hinata’s pinning him with a determined look that would be funny if Kageyama wasn’t so aware of the fact that he was about to kiss him. It’s the same sort of pinched expression he used to make when studying his English vocabulary for their high school exams. Kageyama’s attention flicks down to Hinata’s lips.

Just as Hinata’s about to reach him, he overbalances and falls over, arms pinwheeling out and yelping. He makes a high pitched sound into the blanket where he’s face-planted and his whole body squirms. Kageyama blinks and then laughter bubbles out of him, first one bark and then another and then he can’t seem stop, breath wheezing and crackling as his body is shaking from how hard he’s laughing. _Of course_ , he thinks, _there’s no way he and Hinata could be about to kiss and actually have it go picture-perfect_. Hinata joins him in laughing, playfully punching him in the side with little force. His face is flushing red with a mix of embarrassment and amusement. Hinata’s eyes are bright and sparkling and, god, Kageyama really likes him.

Suddenly, the moment feels right—perfect in a way that he can’t quite pinpoint, but something tells him _now_ in his instincts. He leans down over Hinata, bracing his forearm on one side of the tatami mat and Hinata’s laughter dies off, his eyes widening and the corners of his mouth curling up. Kageyama waits a beat, and then he closes the distance between them, lips meeting Hinata’s. At first he’s a little too rough, feeling their teeth mashing against their lips squished between them from too much pressure; Hinata makes a sound in his throat and brings up a hand to stroke the side of Kageyama’s neck. Kageyama pulls back slightly, softening the kiss into something more agreeable.

Hinata’s fingers slide up into the strands of his hair. His nails scrape slightly on Kageyama’s scalp and he shivers, moving his lips to slide against Hinata’s. He tilts his head another way and they come together again. This time, Hinata parts his lips and Kageyama can taste hot cocoa and _Hinata_ and a strained little groan escapes him. Hinata answers him in kind and wraps his arms more securely around Kageyama’s neck, pulling him even closer so Kageyama has to shift his body around to support himself comfortable half on top on Hinata, heat from the kotatsu enveloping them as they languish in their kiss.

If playing with Hinata, who syncs up with Kageyama in a way no one else has ever matched, makes them an invincible pair, then kissing him is an entirely new level of perfectly matched thrill.

Their lips move together, riding waves of slow and fast. Hinata’s chest expands on a breath, brushing against Kageyama’s until he exhales through his nose. Hinata’s hands run through his hair, his fingers trace Kageyama’s neck and tug at his earlobe before skating over his jaw. He makes happy little sighs every time Kageyama sucks on his bottom lip and one of his legs wraps around Kageyama’s hip, calf hooking behind Kageyama’s knee. It fits into place in the way Hinata’s always seemed to fit into Kageyama’s life, and that thought comforts him. Kageyama smiles into the kiss. Their noses bump together, exchanging puffs of breath and soft presses of lips.

Their kissing goes on, hands making slow exploratory trails over shoulder blades, mapping the curve of muscles and squeezing each other closer. It’s perfect and it makes heat and contentedness bloom in Kageyama’s chest, like something he’s been missing for years has finally slotted into place.

Eventually they pull back, wide-eyed as they stare at each other. Hinata tips his head back against the floor mat to brush his nose against Kageyama’s chin. There’s a dazed little smile stretching into a grin on his face. Hinata looks like he’s just discovered something better than spiking a volleyball. Kageyama’s chest expands with a balloon of pride. Hinata’s plays with Kageyama’s hair in a distracted fashion, tugging at the ends and combing his fingers through it. Kageyama wants to say something, but he’s reluctant to ruin the stillness of the moment. He raises his eyebrows questioningly at Hinata and smiles in relief when Hinata tugs him closer and squirms, reaching for the edge of the futon they knocked askew with their make out session.

Kageyama reaches back and helps Hinata to cover them both with the blanket. He shifts onto his side, leaving his leg hooked over Hinata’s. When Hinata makes a content sound and curls into Kageyama’s side his heart flutters pleasantly, skin tingling with new awareness of all the places they’re connected now. Hinata’s head rests on his arm and Kageyama wraps him closer so they’re cuddled together on the floor.

Hinata tucks his nose against Kageyama’s chest and slides his chilly fingertips under the hem of Kageyama’s shirt, pressing them into his skin. Kageyama bites his lip, riding the high of emotions cascading in his veins. His eyes drift to the window and he notices that flurries of snow are falling.

He closes his eyes and burrows closer to Hinata, trying his best to get Hinata to climb inside his heart and fill it with his endless sunshine and comforting warmth until the end of time.

Kageyama feels the soft brush of Hinata’s lips against his neck and his mouth tilts into a smile.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments + Kudos are ♥ | Come say hi on [Tumblr](http://birbsonthecourt.tumblr.com)!


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